Stigma, skepticism

Do people believe I'm blind in one eye? No one has ever told me that they can tell I'm blind in one eye, because there is no physical way to tell when looking at me. I can physically see that I am blind in that eye, if I cover my right eye I can clearly determine that I have no vision in my left eye. No one has ever asked me to prove that I am blind in one eye, so why do you ask me to prove that I have anxiety problems? Just because you cannot physically see it does not mean it isn't there. People constantly question it and whisper, even though both my anxiety problems and eye disease are well documented in patient history files(I know everyday people can't see my records, besides the point). It seems people can easily take my word that I am blind in one eye with no physical evidence, but for some reason when I mention I have anxiety problems they suddenly need strong evidence to support that. Break the fucking stigma. I have PTSD(age 19), Agoraphobia, Emetophobia(6 years old), GAD(childhood onward), Social phobia, Panic disorder, OCD(5 years old*). I've also been blind in one eye(age 15) due to Multifocal Chorioretinitis with possible Retinal Vasculitis that started at age 13. In fact, my prognosis at 14 included a seeing eye dog and a cane because I was supposed to be 100% blind by 18 years old.
(This was a post on facebook, below is a continuation)

So yeah, I know what it feels like to go nearly blind, I've been there. I have this disease in BOTH eyes. I almost went blind in my right eye, then it switched eyes and attacked my left eye too fast for my specialist to save it. At the time there was no surgery to bring my left eye back, the scar tissue reached the nerves, which deemed it as permanent damage. They had experimental surgeries but for one reason or another I couldn't participate. They have a surgery now, if the disease should ever attack that rapidly again. As for my blind eye(left).... There is no surgery. It requires something along the lines of an optic nerve transplant, which hasn't been invented yet(Luckily science is making advances)....

I lived my teen years hopeless, taking dangerous medications to try and save my eyesight, injections into my eye(not the eyeball, right below it) to make the treatment more potent, wondering how this even happened... And when I beat that prognosis I knew there was hope. Getting pregnant saved my eyesight, soon after I got pregnant my disease went into remission. My body had given me a second chance to do things differently. My disease flares up during times of extreme stress, in fact I have gone temporarily blind due to stress.

So I have an adventurous attitude about things, I like to read things, I like to put makeup on, I like to get dressed. I like to stare at things. I like to look at the wonders of the world. I like to feel pretty.

Because I know that one day I could easily be stripped of my vision, if my body decides its time. It could literally be any day.

Imagine how that would feel for you to be in that situation.

I've lead most aspects of my life with the attitude that I could go blind tomorrow, so I better do things I enjoy doing today. So I put on that fucking makeup, do my hair, and dress myself until I'm satisfied with it.

This ties in with anxiety because I have been limited in most things due to the anxiety and they are both invisible illnesses to YOU.

As for my eyes, you can't see: The lines, dots, flashes and all kinds of tracers I see in my visual field every day. Light being extremely brighter, the tunnel vision, the loss of depth perception and having to guess in almost every daily activity about distances, the mild pain that leads to migraines, the blindness in my left eye, the 20/150 vision in my GOOD eye.

And my anxiety, you can't see/feel: The thought processes that cluster, the neurons firing in my brain alerting my body of imagined danger, the body working up into panic, the imagined nausea, the obsessive thoughts that nag me endlessly, and so much more that I could list if you really want me to.

All you see with my eyes is: Nothing.
All you see with my anxiety is: Next to nothing. You might see a panic attack(I usually run away and hide to have my panic attacks), or me suddenly having to leave with little to no explanation.


You assume: I have good vision, and I'm a rude bitch.
I can assure you, neither assumption is true.

You can see more of my anxiety than you can regarding my vision. Yet people easily believe I am blind in one eye with little to no explanation, however with anxiety, they become skeptical.